i am alone

*Disclaimer: I feel this piece needs a companion piece and I will post one .. once I've written it.*

His eyes snap open, governed by the harsh tone of the alarm clock. Buzzed awake.
In the dark, he slowly slides out of bed, shuffling his feet towards the bathroom. His toes curl in protest as he steps onto the tile. He runs the shower, a quiet force of water. He gets in before it's ready and his skin rises in goosebumps and shivers. Water pounds his back as he goes through the motions.
Drying in a rough towel, he brushes his teeth, flosses, winces at the burn of some listerine. An edge to start the day.
Opening his closet he sifts through a row of sameshirts, plainslacks. He blindly picks out a tie, knotting it carefully at his throat, a skill he has mastered without even having to look at himself in a mirror, a skill he'd first learned at his father's funeral so many years ago. He remembers the numbness he felt tying a noose around his neck. The memory keeps him in a chokehold, like the patterned ties that hang in the dark.
He doesn't bother to sit at the small table in the kitchen. He stands, eyes half-closed and glassy, while a pot of coffee brews on the counter. He breathes deeply, waiting, praying for the smell to wake him. He sways as he waits.
He grabs his coat on the way to the door, steps into the cold sharp air. He turns to lock the door, listening to the loud click as the key turns. Keeping closed a safe, a cold hard safe.
He walks towards the bus stop.